Walking in forgiveness is such a process and journey! Initially, I did not do this! I thought if Eric would just…then my daughters and my life would be on track. What a lie!
Through a process of revelations I began to realize that I had to get my eyes back on Jesus and off Eric. God was the answer. God promises that He will take care of the orphan and widow. When I began to refocus on the truth, the walk became hopeful BUT still a journey. I began to focus on what I needed to do in my life to get my house in order.
By this time Eric had left the rehab center and been on the streets for over 10 months...I did not have any contact with him during this time. God asked me to do somethings for Eric, which seemed outlandish and weird. I had very limited financial resources at this time and He asked me to drive 30 miles away from my home and drive a route (that God showed me) through the neighborhood where my Eric hung out. I went and I prayed in tongues and drove the route once. The next day I drove and prayed in tongues twice…until the 7th day. On the seventh day, my daughter and I drove the route 7 times praising the Lord. This was an act of obedience on my part and very humbling for me. It was also a faith building exercise. I spent money on gas that I could have used other places but God so provided for our needs. Also I may not know until I get to heaven how our prayers and praises impacted that neighborhood but I stand in faith that we did some spiritual damage. I look back now and again just think what a privilege that God would use me.
Days after completing this assignment, God gave me another one. I was to pray for Eric daily for a month…..I was mad! "Lord, I have already prayed for him and I have driven the streets releasing your power and glory AND now you want me to commit to pray for him for another 30 days. OK my heart was still HARD and I heard these words, “This is not about you.”
This humbled and broke my heart tremendously. So many times in my head when difficult circumstances have risen – I have heard these words –"Its not about you." I know for a fact it is not about ME – we are to stand in the gap for these hurting individuals.
In walking in forgiveness, God allows you to see the individual the way He sees them. He will reveal to you how He sees that person without the cloak of their sin – often times it is a picture of a very wounded child. The sin in the person’s life is not who they are but this is a dark cloak that has come upon them...they are wounded and hurting individuals.