I want to preface the next few posts by saying that I will be revealing some “personal family business” and my intent is NOT to tear anyone down or cast a bad light on anyone but to be honest about our experiences as we live life. Our walk and is not unique but hopefully through our walk our King and all His love will be honored.
In 2003, I was married and my husband Eric and I were going to a church retreat. We had been married for eight months and Eric had relapsed the month before again… I was not in a good place mentally or emotionally - I was not happy. As we drove to the retreat, we got into an argument – who knows about what but it was upsetting to both of us. In heated words Eric said, “I am sick of this life and I am going to this retreat to get what ever they have for me.” Well these words pierced my heart – they had such an urgency and desperation to them. I thought he was going to run to Jesus and I did not want to be left behind – I wanted more of Jesus too. On some level, we both new He was our only hope.
We both arrived at the retreat and I flung the door open on my life. What ever the speakers talked about – I listened with such intensity. We broke up into small groups, the women all together and the men all together. I am sharing about stuff I never talked about because I was desperate…I needed the love of my Father and I thought this was how to get it. I also thought Eric was doing the same.
The second night we were there, someone got up and spoke about the Baptism of the Holy Spirit. Now I had become a Christian at a very young age and I had been exposed to the Baptism of the Holy Spirit as an adult. I had never received it because frankly – it freaked me out. Speaking in tongues was always so questionable and such a taboo subject.
God so had His eyes on me…I was terrified that I was getting into something hokey BUT there were people there that I had grown up with in the church. Our parents had fellowshipped together and I was DESPERATE. I went forward to receive the Baptism, thinking that Eric was on my heels. I received prayer and immediately received my prayer language. I turned around to let Eric know because I thought he was standing behind me. As I turned around my eye’s caught sight of him sitting in the audience. My heart dropped. I was sad – because I was tired but I also had this new hope that was difficult to put into words.
God had thrown me a lifeline. While I did not realize it at the time my relationship with Him had gone from a horizontal relationship to a vertical relationship. Those are the only words I have to describe it.